Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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