twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
