just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
