Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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