he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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