My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize