i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
