did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
