Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
