You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
