My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
