Whatcha textin bout Willis?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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