he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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