fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize