Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
