I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
honey bunches of taint.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
