Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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