Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
