Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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