Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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