And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
