3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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