She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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