my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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