you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
