It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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