Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
