I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
