I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize