The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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