I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
