he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm at about main and main street
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
