I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
