sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
