I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize