quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
