i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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