One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
