I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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