Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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