Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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