Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hippo gnu deer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
