there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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