I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
