I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
