i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
