if you like me you must not know who I am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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