OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
