I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
