I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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