in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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