Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we made out on top of his cat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
