He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
