apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
