I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
