I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
