I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
