She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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