i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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