I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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