this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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