He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
