You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can text with my tongue
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
