Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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