Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
