What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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