i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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