A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
